It just doesn't work that way.

Reblogged from loveyourchaos. Also one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever read.

“Things are hard, they are and people always tell me that they’ll get better and it feels like I’ve been waiting forever for them to get better. It’s because my brain is sick and sad and I can’t deal with anything, really. Little things, small changes, obstacles feel earth shattering and overwhelming. My heart constantly sits heavy in my chest and a good portion of my days I’m terrified of this sadness and even more terrified of facing the day. I just, I always do. Tomorrow always comes and I always get up because there are tiny glimmers in each day that show you how worth it, it really is. The friends that make you laugh so hard, or the friends that you know will accept you after you just said something so dumb, the book you haven’t read yet that you one day will that’ll make you feel a little bit more complete, a song that you haven’t heard yet that you’ll play on repeat and cry in your car and feel like at least someone somewhere gets it. Even being alone can be one of those small things, sitting alone in a silent space and just allowing yourself to feel safe and warm, and just feel like it’s enough. I’m never going to tell someone to chin up, or that it gets better, or it could be so much worse- people have told me those things more times than I can count and all of them make me want to hide and disappear because the truth is no one knows anything about tomorrow. I keep going because no matter how bad the day, no matter how much it fucking hurts to be alive right now, there will be something tiny every day that you need to hear, see, read, feel. That’s why I get out of bed, because I need to be there for that moment. I truly hope that those moments, those moments that make it worth it, turn into hours, days, weeks, and years for you and for me and for everyone who is waiting for that… but, those moments have to be enough sometimes.”

I was feeling sad so I headed down to Marina Promenade alone for the first time in a long, long time last Sunday. As I sat down and listened to the distant music from that silly light show they have every night, felt the wind in my hair, looked at the lights of the city and how they reflected in the dark water, I remembered why it’s my favorite place in the world. Here’s a tip: Go there, sit down, and listen to Love In New Wave by Electrico. It’s the best feeling in the world.

I was feeling sad so I headed down to Marina Promenade alone for the first time in a long, long time last Sunday.

As I sat down and listened to the distant music from that silly light show they have every night, felt the wind in my hair, looked at the lights of the city and how they reflected in the dark water, I remembered why it’s my favorite place in the world.

Here’s a tip: Go there, sit down, and listen to Love In New Wave by Electrico. It’s the best feeling in the world.

I feel numb. There was a period of time when felt infinite, invincible, and alive. I felt like I was finally living life the way it should be. Now, I’m sitting here and wondering if those days are at an end. Is a boring, mundance existence all I have to look forward to? I know that whining doesn’t get you anywhere. I know that my energy is far better spent trying to fix the things I am whining about instead. But I have been trying. And each time I have has so far ended in spectacular failure. I wonder if this means I should start taking responsibility. No more crazy shenanigans. Just start accepting that I need to grow up and start getting ready to behave like a socially responsible adult. But I don’t feel ready. And in my heart, I somehow know that this isn’t the end. Someday, I’ll get my life back. I just don’t know when.

I feel numb.

There was a period of time when felt infinite, invincible, and alive. I felt like I was finally living life the way it should be.

Now, I’m sitting here and wondering if those days are at an end. Is a boring, mundance existence all I have to look forward to?

I know that whining doesn’t get you anywhere. I know that my energy is far better spent trying to fix the things I am whining about instead. But I have been trying. And each time I have has so far ended in spectacular failure.

I wonder if this means I should start taking responsibility. No more crazy shenanigans. Just start accepting that I need to grow up and start getting ready to behave like a socially responsible adult.

But I don’t feel ready. And in my heart, I somehow know that this isn’t the end. Someday, I’ll get my life back.

I just don’t know when.

I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud at work after seeing this.

(Source: apryllyn, via pipitashaircuts)